When the rich young man asked what he must do to inherit eternal life, Jesus looked at him and loved him, and then named the commandments. The same look of love rests on every young person who comes to confession. This examination takes the Ten Commandments in groups and asks them of the life a student, a young worker or a single adult actually lives: the phone, the party, the relationship, the job, the empty apartment. Answer honestly; the point is freedom, not shame.

What you need

• Fifteen honest minutes, with the phone put away
• A confession time you can actually get to this week
• The Act of Contrition, on a card or memorised

When to pray it

Before each confession; at least once a year by precept, and much more often if you want to grow. A short version each night keeps the list short.

Steps

1. 1

   Step 1: Begin with the Holy Spirit

   Make the Sign of the Cross▾ and ask for honesty: 'Come, Holy Spirit▾. Show me what you see, give me sorrow for it, and give me the courage to say it out loud.' The Prayer to the Holy Spirit may be prayed. Remember that Jesus looked at the young man and loved him before he said anything else.

2. 2

   Step 2: The first, second and third commandments: God, his name, his day

   Have I gone to Mass every Sunday and holy day, or skipped it for sleep, work, travel or friends? Did I take part, or scroll and daydream? Have I prayed each day, or gone weeks without speaking to God? Have I read Scripture at all? Have I hidden or denied my faith to fit in? Have I used God's name or Jesus' name to curse? Have I dabbled in astrology, tarot, ouija boards or the occult? Have I received Communion knowing I was in mortal sin?

3. 3

   Step 3: The fourth commandment: family and authority

   Have I been disrespectful, dishonest or contemptuous toward my parents, even now that I live on my own? Do I call, visit and help them? Have I been fair to roommates, teachers, coaches, employers and the law, or cut corners because no one was watching? Have I taken responsibility for my own life, or left it to others to carry me?

4. 4

   Step 4: The fifth commandment: anger, life and self-respect

   Have I nursed anger, resentment or hatred, or refused to forgive someone who hurt me? Have I mocked, bullied or excluded anyone, online or in person? Have I got drunk, used drugs, or driven under the influence? Have I harmed my body or my mind by what I eat, watch or take? Have I had, paid for or pressured someone toward an abortion, or encouraged another to do so? Have I led anyone else into sin?

5. 5

   Step 5: The sixth and ninth commandments: chastity and relationships

   Have I used pornography? Have I masturbated? Have I had sexual intercourse, or engaged in sexual touching, outside of marriage? Have I cohabited, or treated dating as a trial marriage? Have I looked at others lustfully, or fed sexual fantasies on purpose? Have I sent or asked for explicit images? Have I dressed or behaved to provoke desire? Have I used another person, or let myself be used?

6. 6

   Step 6: The seventh and tenth commandments: honesty and generosity

   Have I stolen, shoplifted, pirated, or cheated on an exam, a time sheet or an application? Have I taken from an employer, or slacked when paid to work? Have I paid back what I owe? Have I been envious of friends' success, looks, money or relationships? Have I spent selfishly and given nothing to the poor or to the Church? Have I let money or career become the measure of my life?

7. 7

   Step 7: The eighth commandment: truth and reputation

   Have I lied to get out of trouble or to look better? Have I gossiped, exposed others' faults, or spread rumours, in person or in group chats? Have I mocked or slandered anyone? Have I broken a confidence? Have I been two-faced with friends? Have I stayed silent when someone was being treated unjustly?

8. 8

   Step 8: Be sorry, resolve to change, and pray the Act of Contrition

   Looking over what you have found, ask God for true sorrow: not mainly fear of punishment, but grief at having offended the One who loves you. Decide on one concrete thing you will change, with his grace. Then pray the Confiteor▾ ('I confess to almighty God...') if you like, and then the Act of Contrition▾. Bring to the priest every mortal sin you have found, by kind and number as best you can, and whatever venial sins trouble you most. Nothing you say will surprise him, and nothing leaves the confessional.

Tips

• Sins against chastity are common and forgivable; confess them plainly, by kind and rough number, and move on. Priests hear them every day.
• Confess what you did, not who you are. 'I got drunk twice' is a confession; 'I'm a mess' is not.
• If you are not sure whether something is a sin, ask the priest in the confessional. That is what he is for.
• Choose one occasion of sin to cut off this week: an app, a habit, a place, a time of night.

Related practices

• Ignatian Examen