Discernment is the art of finding what God wants in a concrete situation where more than one good is possible — a job, a move, a relationship, a commitment. The Church's most tested method is that of Saint Ignatius of Loyola in the Spiritual Exercises: a decision is made in prayer, with the facts in hand, by weighing the movements of consolation and desolation in the heart and then confirming the choice in peace. The Catechism reminds us that prayer is a battle, and that dryness and distraction are part of it; Pope Francis in Evangelii Gaudium asks for 'an evangelical discernment', the approach of a missionary disciple nourished by the light and strength of the Holy Spirit, rather than a merely clinical method. God does not usually shout; he draws.

What you need

• A decision that is real and yours to make, with a deadline you know
• Time set aside for prayer over days or weeks, not a single evening
• A notebook for facts, options and the movements you notice in prayer
• A wise person to consult: a spiritual director, a priest, or a mature friend in the faith

When to pray it

Daily, for as long as the decision takes; each session begins with a prayer to the Holy Spirit and ends with a brief examen of what moved in you.

Steps

1. 1

   Step 1: Pray for openness

   Begin every session with the Veni Creator Spiritus▾ or the Prayer to the Holy Spirit, asking not for the answer but for freedom: the 'indifference' Saint Ignatius describes, in which you are ready for either outcome so long as it is God's will. Name honestly which way you are leaning and what you are afraid of, and hand both over. Without this step you will hear your own voice and call it God's.

2. 2

   Step 2: Gather the facts

   Grace builds on nature, and God rarely asks us to decide in ignorance. Find out what you need to know: the real conditions of the job, the community, the person, the cost; the obligations you already carry; the time you actually have. Write the facts down plainly. A decision made on wishful thinking is not a discerned one.

3. 3

   Step 3: Name the options clearly

   Write out the real options, usually two or three, in a single sentence each, and check that none of them involves sin or breaks a commitment you have already made before God — those are not options. Ignatius suggests, for the calm-minded, listing the advantages and disadvantages of each purely for the glory of God and the good of your soul, and noticing which way reason inclines.

4. 4

   Step 4: Consult a wise person

   Lay the whole thing before someone who knows you and the faith and has no stake in the outcome: a spiritual director if you have one, a priest, a religious, a wise friend. Tell them the facts, the options, and what you notice in prayer. The Church has always taught that we see ourselves poorly alone; counsel is a gift of the Holy Spirit, not a sign of weakness.

5. 5

   Step 5: Weigh the movements: consolation and desolation

   Over days of prayer, place yourself before each option in turn and notice what happens in you. Consolation, in Ignatius's sense, is an increase of faith, hope and love, a quiet peace and a drawing toward God; desolation is darkness, disquiet, a pull toward the low and earthly, a loss of trust. Ask which option, held before God, brings the consolation that lasts, and be suspicious of an excitement that fades or a peace that comes only from escaping something hard. Take notes each day; patterns appear over a week that a single evening hides.

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   Step 6: Decide provisionally

   When reason and the movements of the heart point the same way, make the decision provisionally, in prayer, and offer it to God. Ignatius suggests three tests for a calm-minded choice: what you would advise a stranger in your position; what you would wish to have chosen on your deathbed; what you would wish to have chosen on the day of judgment. If they agree with the choice, you are probably right.

7. 7

   Step 7: Seek confirmation in peace

   Live with the provisional decision for some days without announcing it. Bring it to Mass, receive Holy Communion with it in mind, and watch: if the peace deepens and holds, the decision is confirmed; if it curdles into unease that will not go away, return to the weighing. Confirmation is usually not a sign but a settled peace that survives scrutiny and the opinions of others.

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   Step 8: Act and trust

   Then act, promptly and without endless re-opening. A discerned decision is not a guarantee that everything will go well; it is a decision made with God, and he stays with it. If it later becomes clear that you were mistaken, that too is material for a new discernment, not proof that the first one was foolish. Close with the Our Father▾: 'Thy will be done.'

Tips

• Do not discern between good and evil; that is not discernment but obedience. Discernment is for choosing among goods.
• Ignatius's first rule for hard times: never make a change in desolation. Wait for the light you had before it came.
• Beware of discerning what you have already decided. Ask for indifference — the freedom to want only what God wants — before you ask for an answer.
• Most decisions are confirmed not by a sign but by a quiet, lasting peace that survives being looked at.