Spiritual direction is a regular conversation with an experienced Christian whose task is to help you notice and respond to what God is doing in your life. The Catechism says the Holy Spirit gives some of the faithful gifts of wisdom and discernment for the sake of others' prayer, and Saint John Paul II in Pastores Dabo Vobis calls direction indispensable for those in formation for the priesthood; the saints — Teresa of Avila, Francis de Sales, Thérèse — all had and gave it. It is not therapy, not confession, and not obedience to a guru; the director accompanies, and you decide. Most lay Catholics never have a director, and would be helped by one.

What you need

• A regular prayer life, however small — direction accompanies prayer, it does not replace it
• The willingness to speak honestly about your interior life to another person
• A notebook to jot what you notice in prayer between meetings
• Patience: finding the right director can take a few tries

When to pray it

Meetings are usually monthly, for about an hour; ask the Holy Spirit's guidance before each one.

Steps

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   Step 1: Know what direction is and is not

   Direction is about your relationship with God: how you pray, what you notice, where you resist, what he seems to be asking. It is not counselling for problems, though problems come up; not confession, though sin comes up; and not a substitute for your own conscience and decisions. A good director listens more than talks, asks about your prayer, helps you discern the spirits, and suggests Scripture and practices — and refers you to a doctor or counsellor when that is what you need.

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   Step 2: Ask your pastor or a religious community

   Start by asking your parish priest, either to direct you himself or to recommend someone. Then ask at retreat houses, monasteries, and the houses of religious orders in your area; Jesuits, Carmelites, Benedictines and many congregations of sisters have a long tradition of direction, and many dioceses keep a list of trained directors. Programs that train lay directors usually have graduates available. Pray the Prayer to the Holy Spirit while you look: the right director is something you ask for, not only search for.

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   Step 3: The first meeting

   Treat the first meeting as mutual discernment, and say so. Tell your story briefly: your life, your faith, how you pray, why you want direction now. Ask about the director's approach, training and availability. Notice afterwards whether you felt heard and whether you were drawn to prayer. It is entirely normal, and no offence, to meet two or three people before settling.

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   Step 4: How often to meet

   Monthly is the usual rhythm, for forty-five minutes to an hour; some meet every six weeks. More often than that is rarely helpful outside a retreat or a crisis, and less often loses the thread. Fix the next date at the end of each meeting. Many directors ask for no fee; where a donation or a fee is customary, it is right to give it.

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   Step 5: What to bring

   Bring your prayer: what you have been praying with, what happened, what was dry, what moved you, what you avoided. Bring the events of the month that touched your relationship with God, the decisions ahead, and the resolutions from last time. Bring your notebook. Do not prepare a performance; the meeting works when you say what is true, including 'nothing much is happening', which is often where the most is happening.

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   Step 6: When to change directors

   Direction can end or change without drama. Change when the director moves or can no longer meet, when you have gone as far together as you can, when your circumstances change (a vocation, a marriage, a new stage of prayer), or when you find you cannot be honest with this person. Do not change simply because the director says something hard; that is often the moment direction is doing its work. Say thank you, and begin again with step two.

Tips

• A director need not be a priest. Religious sisters and brothers and trained lay people give excellent direction; what matters is prayer, prudence and experience.
• Keep direction and confession distinct even when your director is a priest; you may confess to him, but the direction conversation is not under the seal and should not become a confession by stealth.
• Do not look for someone who will tell you what to do. Look for someone who will help you hear what God is telling you.
• If your parish has no one, try a retreat house, a monastery, a religious order's house, or the diocesan office for spirituality or vocations.

Related practices

• Spiritual Direction
• Discernment of Spirits
• Ignatian Examen

Related saints

• Saint Francis de Sales
• Saint Teresa of Avila
• Saint Ignatius of Loyola