Children who have reached the age of reason, around seven, make their first confession before their First Holy Communion; the Church asks it in her law, and parishes prepare children for it in the year of First Communion. Parents are the first teachers of their children in the faith, and a child's fear or peace about confession is mostly caught at home. This guide is for parents and catechists: it explains what to say, how to practise, and exactly what happens in the room, so that the child's first meeting with God's mercy is simple and glad.

What you need

• The date and place of the parish's first confession celebration, and its practice sessions
• The Act of Contrition in a form the child can learn (the parish will usually supply one)
• The children's examination of conscience on this site, or the parish's own
• A parent who goes to confession too, ideally on the same day

When to pray it

In the weeks before first confession, a few minutes at bedtime each night; the sacrament itself is usually celebrated in a parish service during the school year, often in Lent or Advent.

Steps

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   Step 1: Explain what the sacrament is, in a child's words

   Tell the child: 'When we do something wrong on purpose, that is a sin, and it hurts our friendship with God and with other people. Jesus gave the priests the power to forgive sins in his name. In confession you tell the priest your sins, you say you are sorry, and Jesus forgives you through him. It is a secret between you, the priest and God, and the priest can never tell anyone.' Read together the parable of the lost sheep (Luke 15:1-7) or the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32).

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   Step 2: Practise the examination of conscience together

   Over several evenings, go through a children's examination of conscience: prayers, obedience to parents, kindness to brothers, sisters and friends, honesty, chores. Ask the questions gently and let the child answer silently; you are teaching the habit, not collecting the answers. Help the child tell the difference between a sin and an accident, and between a sin and a feeling.

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   Step 3: Learn the Act of Contrition

   Teach one simple form and repeat it at bedtime until it is easy. The Rite of Penance allows any sincere prayer of sorrow; a common children's form is: 'O my God, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart. In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good, I have sinned against you whom I should love above all things. I firmly intend, with your help, to do penance, to sin no more, and to avoid whatever leads me to sin. Our Saviour Jesus Christ suffered and died for us. In his name, my God, have mercy. Amen.' Explain what 'penance' means: a prayer or a kind thing the priest asks us to do to show we are sorry.

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   Step 4: Explain what happens in the room

   Describe the confessional or reconciliation room: the child may kneel behind a screen or sit in a chair facing the priest, and can choose. The priest will be kind and will help with every step. He may read a short line from the Bible. The child tells his or her sins, the priest talks a little, gives a penance, listens to the Act of Contrition▾, and then says the prayer that forgives sins while holding his hand out over the child. Then the child says 'Amen' and 'Thank you, Father' and leaves. If possible, visit the confessional when the church is empty so the child can see the space.

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   Step 5: Practise the words to say

   Rehearse the whole thing at home, with a parent playing the priest: 'Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. This is my first confession. These are my sins: I disobeyed my mom. I was mean to my sister three times. I told a lie.' Then: 'I am sorry for these and all my sins.' Then the Act of Contrition▾ when Father asks for it. Then 'Amen' after the absolution. Keep it to a few sins; three or four is normal for a child.

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   Step 6: Penance and thanksgiving on the day

   On the day, arrive early and pray quietly together in the pew; a parent may make his or her own confession first. After the child comes out, help him or her do the penance right away in the pew (usually an Our Father▾ or a Hail Mary▾), and then say a short thank-you to Jesus together. Many families mark the day with a small celebration afterward, because it is one.

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   Step 7: Keep confession normal afterward

   First confession is the beginning of a habit, not a one-off. Take the child with you when you go, every month or two, and keep a nightly moment of sorrow and thanks at bedtime. Do not ask what was confessed. When the child sins seriously or is upset about something, suggest confession as the natural remedy, and go together. A child who sees parents forgiven learns that mercy is real.

Tips

• Do not tell a child that confession is scary, embarrassing or a test. Say what it is: telling Jesus you are sorry, and hearing him say 'I forgive you' out loud.
• Never ask a child what they confessed. Ask instead how it felt to be forgiven.
• Let the child see you go. A parent in the confession line teaches more than any lesson.
• If the child forgets the words, the priest will help. Say so, often.