From the earliest centuries the Church has prayed for her dead, following the example the Book of Maccabees praises when Judas Maccabeus made atonement for the fallen 'that they might be freed from this sin' (2 Maccabees 12:46). The Catechism teaches that those who die in God's grace but still imperfectly purified are assured of salvation yet undergo a purification, and that the Church commends them to God's mercy above all in the Eucharistic sacrifice, and also by almsgiving, indulgences and works of penance. This guide gathers the ordinary ways a Catholic prays for the dead, from a single Eternal Rest to the practices of November.

What you need

• A list of the dead you want to pray for by name: family, friends, and the forgotten souls no one else remembers
• The Eternal Rest, the De Profundis (Psalm 130) and the prayer of Saint Gertrude, all on this site
• Your parish's Mass intention book or office, to have Masses offered
• A calendar note for 2 November and for the first eight days of November

When to pray it

Daily, briefly, at night prayer or grace after meals; at every Mass, when the priest prays for the dead in the Eucharistic Prayer; on the anniversary of a death; and especially on All Souls' Day and throughout November.

Steps

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   Step 1: Understand why we pray for the dead

   The Church teaches that those who die in friendship with God but still bear the remains of sin undergo a purification, which she calls purgatory, before entering the joy of heaven, and that our prayers can help them. Prayer for the dead rests on the communion of saints: the faithful on earth, the souls being purified, and the saints in heaven are one Body in Christ, and the love that binds them can be exchanged as prayer. The Second Book of Maccabees calls it a holy and pious thought to pray for the dead. It is also a comfort: the one you have lost is not beyond your reach.

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   Step 2: Pray the Eternal Rest

   The Church's own short prayer for the dead is the Requiem aeternam▾: 'Eternal rest▾ grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May they rest in peace. Amen.' For one person, say 'him' or 'her' and use their name. Pray it whenever a death comes to mind, when you pass a cemetery or hear a siren, at the end of the Rosary, and at night. Add the De Profundis▾, Psalm 130▾, 'Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord,' which the Church has prayed for the dead for over a thousand years, and, if you wish, the prayer attributed to Saint Gertrude the Great: 'Eternal Father, I offer you the most precious Blood of your divine Son, Jesus, in union with the Masses said throughout the world today, for all the holy souls in purgatory...'

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   Step 3: Have a Mass offered

   The greatest prayer for the dead is the Mass, in which Christ's own sacrifice is offered for them; every Eucharistic Prayer contains a petition for the dead, and a Mass may be offered for a particular soul. Go to the parish office and ask for a Mass to be said for the person by name, on a date that matters if one is free; a small offering is customary, and no one is turned away for lack of it. Many religious orders and mission societies also accept Mass intentions. Attend the Mass yourself if you can, and receive Communion for the soul you are praying for.

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   Step 4: Keep All Souls' Day and the month of November

   The Commemoration of All the Faithful Departed, All Souls' Day, is 2 November, the day after All Saints, and the whole month of November is devoted to the holy souls. Go to Mass on All Souls' Day; every priest may celebrate three Masses that day. Write the names of your dead in the parish's Book of the Dead or on the All Souls envelope, so they are remembered at every Mass of the month. At home, light a candle by their photograph and pray the Eternal Rest▾ and the De Profundis▾ together as a family. The Church also grants a plenary indulgence, applicable only to the souls in purgatory, to those who on All Souls' Day devoutly visit a church or oratory and pray the Our Father▾ and the Creed there.

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   Step 5: Visit a cemetery, especially 1 to 8 November

   The Manual of Indulgences grants a plenary indulgence, applicable only to the souls in purgatory, to the faithful who devoutly visit a cemetery and pray, even if only mentally, for the dead on each day from 1 to 8 November, and a partial indulgence on any other day of the year. The usual conditions for a plenary indulgence apply: sacramental confession within about a week before or after, Holy Communion, prayer for the Pope's intentions (an Our Father▾ and a Hail Mary▾ suffice), and freedom from attachment to any sin, even venial. Go to the grave of someone you love, or to any Catholic cemetery, and pray the Eternal Rest▾ for those buried there, especially the ones no one visits.

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   Step 6: Enrol the dead in a society of prayer

   Many religious orders and Catholic associations keep perpetual enrolments, in which a person, living or dead, is remembered in the Masses and prayers of the community forever; a Mass card or enrolment certificate from the Franciscans, the Carmelites, the Benedictines, the Society for the Propagation of the Faith or a purgatorial society is a fitting gift to a bereaved family. Ask your parish which societies it trusts. Enrolment is not a substitute for your own prayer, but it means that when you are gone, someone will still be praying for the one you loved.

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   Step 7: Ask the holy souls to pray for you

   Devotion to the holy souls has always been two-sided: we pray for them, and the Church's tradition holds that they, being certain of salvation, pray for us. Make them your companions. Offer a decade of the Rosary for them each day, pray the Eternal Rest▾ at the end of grace after meals, and ask their intercession in your own needs. Saint Gertrude, Saint Catherine of Siena and Saint Faustina all wrote of their love for the souls in purgatory, and the Church honours that love as a real work of mercy.

Tips

• Add one line to your night prayers: 'Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord...' Small and daily outlasts grand and occasional.
• Pray for the forgotten: the souls with no one left to remember them. This is a work of mercy that costs nothing and reaches far.
• Do not treat an indulgence as a transaction. It is the Church applying the merits of Christ and the saints to a soul, at your prayer; the conditions exist to make sure your heart is in it.
• Grief and prayer belong together. Praying for someone you have lost is also how you stay close to them.