Sacraments
How to Pray with Someone Who Is Dying
Preparing for the Anointing of the Sick · 7 steps
Prayers and presence at a deathbed when no priest is present: short prayers the dying person knows, the psalms, the Litany of the Saints, the Divine Mercy Chaplet, the commendation, and the prayers said after death.
7 steps · About 20 minutes
The Church does not leave the dying to the priest alone. Pastoral Care of the Sick gives a whole rite, the Commendation of the Dying, that a family member, a friend or a nurse may lead, and it says plainly that the presence of those who love the dying person, praying with them, is itself part of the Church's ministry. Saint John Paul II wrote in Salvifici Doloris that suffering unleashes love in those who witness it; at a deathbed that love takes the form of staying, and of praying words the dying person has known all their life. Call the priest first, for the sacraments; then stay and pray.
What you need
- Yourself, present and unhurried; silence and touch are as much prayer as words
- A crucifix or a small cross the person can see or hold, and if possible a candle
- A Bible or a card with a few psalms, and the Commendation of the Dying (on this site)
- A rosary, for the family's decades and the Divine Mercy Chaplet
- The number of the parish or hospital chaplain, so that a priest is called for confession, the Anointing and Viaticum
When to pray it
From the moment death seems near until it comes, and in the minutes after. Pray in short pieces, with rests; the dying tire quickly, and the family needs the pauses too.
Steps
Step 1: Be present, and call the priest
Sit close, hold the person's hand, and let them know you are there. If a priest has not yet come, call the parish or ask the hospital to page the Catholic chaplain, asking for confession, the Anointing of the Sick and Viaticum. While you wait, do not fill the room with talk. Moisten their lips, keep the light soft, place a crucifix where they can see it, and pray a slow Sign of the Cross with them. The Church's rite says that the dying person should be helped to accept death in union with Christ's own death, and that begins with someone simply staying.
Tips
- Speak to the person, not about them. Hearing usually remains; say their name, tell them who is there, and pray aloud even when they cannot answer.
- Choose what they know: the Our Father, the Hail Mary, the Glory Be. Familiar words carry a person when new ones cannot.
- You may lead every prayer in this guide. Nothing in the Commendation of the Dying is reserved to a priest, though the sacraments are.
- Take turns. A deathbed watch is long; two people praying quietly, relieving one another, is better than a crowded room.