A baptised Catholic who has drifted away has not stopped being a Catholic. Baptism cannot be undone, and the door back is never locked from the inside; it is opened by a conversation and a confession. In Misericordiae Vultus, the bull announcing the Jubilee of Mercy, Pope Francis wrote that the Church's very credibility depends on her showing merciful love, and asked that confessors be true signs of the Father's mercy, welcoming everyone who comes. Returning is usually simpler than people fear — one talk with a priest, one confession, and a Sunday — and where a situation is more complicated, a marriage outside the Church or a sacrament never received, there is a pastoral path for that too. This guide gives the steps in the order they usually come.

What you need

• The name of a parish near you and its confession and Mass times
• A willingness to speak honestly with a priest, and about ten minutes to do it
• An examination of conscience — the guide of that name will help — and the Act of Contrition
• Patience with yourself: a habit lost over years is rebuilt over weeks, not in a day

When to pray it

Whenever the desire comes; that desire is itself the beginning of grace. Lent and Advent are seasons when parishes hold extra confessions and welcome returners, but any Saturday afternoon confession time and any Sunday Mass will do.

Steps

1. 1

   Step 1: Know that you can come back

   Whatever the reason for leaving — drift, hurt, anger, a marriage, unbelief, or simply years that passed — the Church wants you home, and the way back is the same for everyone: repentance and the sacraments. You were not struck off any list. If you were baptised Catholic, you remain a member of the Church; even if you joined another church or none, you return by confession, not by a second baptism, though the priest may ask a few questions to understand your history. Pope Francis wrote that no one can be excluded from the mercy of God, and that the Church is the house that welcomes all and refuses no one. Read that sentence as addressed to you, because it is.

2. 2

   Step 2: Talk to a priest

   Phone the parish office or catch the priest after Mass and ask for a time to talk; say that you have been away from the Church and want to come back. This conversation is not the confession, though it can lead straight into one; it is where you tell your story, ask the questions you have been carrying — about Communion, about a marriage, about children not baptised, about things you no longer believe — and hear what the next steps are. Priests are not shocked by long absences. If the first conversation goes badly, or the parish seems unwelcoming, try another parish; the Church is bigger than one office, and many dioceses have a 'Catholics Come Home' or 'Landings' programme made precisely for returners.

3. 3

   Step 3: Make your confession

   The sacrament of Penance is how a Catholic is reconciled with God and the Church, and it is the heart of returning. Prepare with an examination of conscience, going back over the years without scrupulous detail — the guide 'How to Return to Confession After Many Years' walks through exactly this — and go to the parish's confession time or the appointment the priest offers. Begin: 'Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been many years since my last confession, and I am not sure I remember how to do this.' The priest will help. Confess your serious sins in kind and, as best you can, in number; receive the penance and the absolution; and pray the Act of Contrition▾: 'O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you...' You leave forgiven. That is not a feeling to be waited for but a fact to be believed.

4. 4

   Step 4: If you were married outside the Church

   A Catholic who married in a civil ceremony or in another church without the Church's permission is still welcome at Mass, but the marriage needs to be put right before returning to Communion, and this is the situation the priest most often helps with. If neither spouse has been married before, the usual remedy is a convalidation — a simple exchange of consent before the priest and two witnesses, described in the guide 'How to Have a Marriage Convalidated' — often arranged within a few months. If either spouse was married before, the priest will explain the process of a declaration of nullity, which examines whether the earlier marriage was valid; the guide 'How to Petition for a Declaration of Nullity' explains it. Neither path is a punishment; both are the Church taking your marriage seriously. Speak to the priest honestly and early, and let him guide the sequence of confession, convalidation and Communion.

5. 5

   Step 5: If you never received Confirmation or First Communion

   Many returning Catholics were baptised and perhaps made First Communion but were never confirmed. Tell the priest; adults are confirmed every year, usually after a short period of preparation with the parish, and in many dioceses at a diocesan celebration around Pentecost or at the Easter Vigil. If you never made First Communion either, the parish will prepare you for both, typically alongside the adults in the OCIA process, though as a baptised Catholic your path is shorter. The guide 'Preparing for Confirmation' describes what the preparation covers. Completing your initiation is not a hurdle; it is the Church finishing what your Baptism began.

6. 6

   Step 6: Find and join a parish

   Register at a parish — the office will have a form — so that you belong somewhere and are known. Ordinarily this is the parish of the place where you live, but the right parish for a returner is one where you can actually pray, hear the Word preached and find company; visit two or three if you need to. Learn its Mass and confession times, put your name on its list, and find one thing to join: a Bible study, a men's or women's group, the choir, a service project. Faith kept alone is fragile; the Church is a body, and the parish is where you are grafted back in. Consider also finding a spiritual director or a wise friend in the faith for the first year.

7. 7

   Step 7: Rebuild the habit of Sunday Mass

   Come to Mass every Sunday and holy day of obligation; that is the one thing the Church asks of every Catholic, and it is the habit that makes all the others possible. For the first weeks, decide the time and the church on Saturday and go as if it were not optional, because it is not; after a couple of months it will carry itself. Follow the Mass with a missal or the parish's sheet — the guide 'How to Participate in Mass' explains the parts — and receive Communion once you have made your confession, going to confession again whenever you fall into serious sin and regularly in any case. Add a small daily prayer, the Our Father▾ in the morning or the Prayer of Saint Francis▾ at night, and keep the Easter duty of Communion at least once a year in the Easter season. You came back; now stay, one Sunday at a time.

Tips

• You do not need to have everything sorted out before you go. Go first; the sorting out is what the priest is for.
• Tell the priest plainly that you have been away a long time and are not sure how to begin. He has heard it many times and will lead you through.
• Until you have made your confession, come to Mass and stay in the pew at Communion time, or come forward with arms crossed for a blessing; you are still welcome at Mass.
• Find one person or group at the parish — a returning-Catholics programme, a Bible study, a friend who goes — and let them carry you for the first months.