For two baptised Christians marriage is a sacrament: the couple themselves are its ministers, and the consent they exchange before the Church's minister and two witnesses makes them one for life and a sign of Christ's love for the Church. Because it is a sacrament the Church asks couples to prepare well, and the bishops of the United States, in Amoris Laetitia's spirit, speak of preparation as a path rather than a form to fill in. This guide walks through what a parish in the United States will ask of you, from the first phone call to the words of consent, so that nothing surprises you and everything has time.

What you need

• A first conversation with the parish at least six months before the date you hope for; some dioceses ask for more
• A recent baptismal certificate for each Catholic party, issued within the past six months and showing any notations of confirmation or prior marriage
• Proof of freedom to marry: usually sworn statements from a parent or a long-time friend of each of you
• Your civil marriage licence, obtained in the weeks before the wedding according to state law
• A willingness to do the preparation program honestly, together

When to pray it

Throughout the engagement, and especially the night before the wedding: a good confession, and the Prayer to the Holy Spirit asked together.

Steps

1. 1

   Step 1: Contact the parish at least six months ahead

   Call or visit the parish where you would like to marry, usually the parish of the bride or the groom, and ask to meet the priest or deacon who prepares couples. Most dioceses of the United States ask for at least six months' notice, and some for a year, so make this call before you book anything else. At the first meeting the priest will ask about your faith, your families, whether either of you has been married before, and what date you hope for, and will explain the diocese's program. He is not there to test you; he is there to help you marry well.

Tips

• Book the church before the reception. Parishes fill up, and the priest's availability sets the date, not the venue's.
• Do the preparation as a couple, not as a hurdle. The inventories and conversations often surface what you have not yet said to each other.
• If either of you has been married before, tell the priest at the first meeting: a prior marriage must be examined before a date can be set, and it can take time.
• Keep the Mass simple and keep it prayerful. The most beautiful weddings are the ones where the couple are visibly praying.

Related saints

• Saint Joseph